My Toughts for today

why hello there bafoons!

today im gonna just write sumthing about whut i've been through lately...not physically but mentally.

These past few days, or maybe weeks, i've been doing a lot of thinking...about whut im gonna be when i grow up, am i gonna be hopeless?, or just plain average girl in an average world, doing average things which is a total bore.

Well one day, i was in a car ride with my folks, i was just listening to the radio...looking out the window and day dream as the time pass by...when suddenly my mom asked me a random yet mind boggling question. she asked, " Nani, what do u want to be when u grow up?" . Well u know moms...they'll want u to be those high career jobs...say a doctor, lawyer, engineer...those high class things..

but me?...heck ...im not into that stuff...im ...well lets just say im the practical kinda person. Im not the kinda person who sit in a room with a book smack right infront of u. Im the more outdoor type. Okay my dream career is to be

1. First ever Malaysian tennis player that could travel around the world.
and if that failed....which i hope it doesnt

2. A class chef ( somewhere out of m'sia)

if that fails...


then theres only one thing left...


lastly..


3. A guitar player/teacher. if im still young. hahaha


so yeah that was MY options..so i told my mom my first option, aaand....



well lets just say she didnt quite approve of me being one...cause well she wants me to go study like mad and get a scholarship and go to University.
i mean i've nothing wrong with that ..its not like i want to stop studying or anything...ofcourse i do...its just that i really want to be a tennis player. i've never stick to anything this passionate before...

but knowing this country that im living in now..heck...i dont think im goin anywhere and getting any closer to be one. its because


1. Coaches are kinda hopeless and slackish.
2. not many tournaments are held
3. they take this game for fun.


and i can't live with that! ngaa!! and now...during these hols...with this happening and my folks keep on lecturing me about my academics ( damn bm...) and stuff...i feel like my dream is crushing into bits and pieces.What's worse is that i feel like my folks are not that supportive...im not saying they're not giving me support at all ...yeah sure they put me in the best tennis lessons there is, signing me up for tournaments...and yet..wht i notice is that whenever i play or train on the courts..i see my dad..just sitting there sipping his coffee and with his PDA...Whut frustrates me the most is after a long hard day or tennis..he'll go and tell me that i need more practice and im getting rustier but heck! he didnt even pay attention! i mean ..everytime i see him...he's always doing sumthing.I dunno...its either my imagination, or my illusions, or im just damn tired. whatever it is.. My hopes are goin down slowly...whut i wish now is to just hope for the best...and hope i'll move somewhere else where there's hope. maybe to aussie. i dunno..we'll just see how it goes i guess..

And here i am, being bored to death at home, writting my thoughts just to let it all out...sigh. Im not even playing tennis now...which is unbelievable...to me...cause..daymn...i need to get back to the court for petesake of rockenham!

sheez...


but oh well, atleast tonight im goin out to see ana vidovic, the guitar player whom i adore, the one whom i talk about for these past few weeks ..is performing tonight. hope my dad wouldnt be such a hurry to go back after the performence...thats whut he did on the other performence...sigh

well. i think i let it out enough. so i'll blogg on later then to tell u how it was.the performence. till then , take care!