The last time I thought I was going to die

Scene: A pool in a gated community somewhere in TTDI (hard to tell exactly where...it all looks the same). It’s late at night, maybe 12:15 am. Gab, Aura, Nikki, and Shaz have just finished a late night swim (yes, they snuck in) and are leaving the front gate of the pool area to walk back to Aura's house.

Gab: That was fun.

Nikki: Yeah.

Aura: Uh-huh.

Shaz: Yep.

Not a lot of conversation. The lap swimming and hot tub sort of took it out of them. As the group is leaving the pool, Gab and Aura spot a giant spider web spread out across a floodlight with a hugely hideous spider in the middle.

Gab: You know what would be fun?

Aura: What?

Gab: If we caught a bug, threw it into the spider web, and see if the spider eats it.

Shaz: Oh Brother...

Like most young school retards, Gab and ..well only Gab start gleefully looking for any sort of bug life to feed to the monster spider. Shaz, Nikki and Aura were too cool for such childish activity, and start to walk back home. No one is aware of the trouble brewing in the nearby parking lot.

Unidentified Girl (in nearby parking lot): No, no, no!!!

Gab and Shaz hear sounds of a struggle, voices yelling nearby. Suddenly a car starts up, revs up, burns out in a quick u-turn, and flies out of the parking lot at full speed. Unfortunately, Gab and Shaz have been blinded by the floodlight they’ve been staring into for the last few minutes, and have no idea what just happened because they can’t see anything.

Gab: What was that?

Shaz: I have no idea.

The two wannabe heroes start walking toward the parking lot.

Gab (shouting out): Hey, is anyone there? Are you ok?

Unidentified Girl (barely audible): Yeah.

Gab: Are you sure? Did someone steal your car?

U.G.: No.

Gab: Are you sure you’re all right?

Shaz: Shut the fuck up already. She said she was alright dammit!

U.G.: Yeah.

Shaz: told you

The two heroes, always ready to help out a girl in distress, start walking across the parking lot. Suddenly, the car which had just left the parking lot comes racing back in at full speed and skids to a halt next to the girl. The girl walks around to the driver’s side, and a man gets out of the car. The two begin yelling and screaming at each other. What was previously thought to be a robbery in progress has turned out to be a lovers’ quarrel. A ridiculously aggressive and hostile lovers’ quarrel.

Gab: What should we do?

Shaz: Umm...I don’t know.

The couple is still arguing at the top of their lungs. The girl pushes the guy, and the guy pushes her back, real hard, and she goes flying back onto the ground. Gab and Shaz start running over to the scene.

Gab (God bless him): What the f*** are you doing? Get your hands off her!

Shaz (who can’t top that): Yeah!

Meanwhile, the girls realized something.

Aura: Hey, is it just me or did Gab and Shaz just disappeared into thin air?

Nikki: Your brother probably forgot his boxers...again.

Aura: Jesus...Well, im hungry. Mc D's?

Nikki: Start dialing woman!

Right back on the scene, The unidentified guy turns around, sees two guys in towels and sandals approaching him, realizes he can probably take them both, and decides to go completely psycho.

Crazy Psycho Guy: Lets go motherf***ers!! I’m gonna f***in kill you!! You wanna f*** with me? I’m a f***in marine!! You’re gonna f***in die!!!!

As hes unleashing his tirade of death threats, Crazy Psycho Guy is heading toward Gab and Shaz, ripping off his shirt and beating himself on the chest like a madman.

Gab (suddenly realizing that he is about to be killed): Umm...

Shaz (realizing that he is also close to death): Uhh...

The crazy, drugged-out Marine is continuing his barrage of threats, while Gab and Shaz, not expecting this at all, stand in stunned silence, wondering exactly what they should do, realizing they’ve just got themselves into something a lot more serious and life-threatening then they had expected. Fortunately, the true hero of the story makes her appearance. The girl, realizing that her boyfriend is about to try and kill two people with his bare hands, jumps in front of him and begins to push him back.

Girl: Leave them alone! Stop it! Its ok, he’s not gonna hurt you.

Inexplicably, as if a switch just got turned off in his maniacal mind, the guy suddenly transforms in the blink of an eye, from Crazy Psycho Guy to Mellow Friendly Guy.

Mellow Friendly Guy: Hey, I’m sorry guys. I don’t know what came over me. Everything’s cool. No worries.

Gab and Shaz are just as surprised by this turn of events as they were by the psycho-ness they had just witnessed, and continue to stand in stunned silence. To prove his point, the guy actually walks over and shakes hands with both of them.

Mellow Friendly Guy: Sorry about that guys. I just got a little crazy. It’s all good.

Gab: Hey man, just treat your girlfriend with respect.

Shaz: Yeah man.

Mellow Friendly Guy: I know, you’re right. I’m sorry guys. It’s all good, everything’s fine. I’m sorry I got so crazy.

Girl: Yeah, we’re pretty f***ed up. Sorry about that.

Mellow Friendly Guy: Yeah, we’re f***in’ wasted.

Gab: Cool.

Shaz: Yeah, it’s cool.

At this point, the guy and girl head back to their car, and they both start to get in.

Gab: Hey, are you guys all right to drive?

Shaz: You kidding me?

Girl: Probably not.

Shaz: I should've bet on my instincts.

Gab (to Shaz): Should we maybe give them a ride somewhere?

Before they can offer, the couple gets into the car and drive out of the parking lot, weaving down the street at full speed, never to be seen again.

End Scene.

The moral of the story: Don’t start a fight with a crazy, drugged-out Marine who is trained to kill you with his bare hands. Unless there’s a girl nearby who can save you.

No retards were harm or starved to death in between scene. Well, except Gab who got butt cramps. =\

Ps: Based on an un true story. Written by a couple of retards who just can't seem to get a life. (: