Just For Kicks

So, I'm officially back from a week of hiatus. Not like it's a big deal or anything, I just want to make y'all think im busy. (Muahahaha)



Other than that, another one of my school's intervention tests are finally over. Joy to that. I malas to elaborate on how i did on it, how fucked up it is, and how ridiculously ridiculous it is to even exist. It's all ridiculous. But hey, Im a teenager. I'm suppose to think that way.

Oh Oh i got a story to tell you! (bare with me in 5....4...3....2....1)


So! few days back, i went out for dinner with my mates from music prep.

I swear to God, it took us 1 HOUR and a half to just decide on where to eat.

Choices are:

Burger King
Mc Donalds
Chillis
Ramly Burger Stand
7 Eleven
Kopitiam
Uno Pizza

...it goes on.


In the end, some genius decided to go to this fancy shmancy restaurant in KL. You know, those kind restaurant where the waiter reads out the specials while you give him the "Fuck Off" look?

Yeah, those restaurants.

So here's what i think.

I think when you eat out you should have a little fun. It's good for digestion. Simple things.
And also, just for kicks to piss off the waiter.

Like after the waiter recites a long list of specials, ask him if they serve cow feet.

But try to act really interested in the specials.

And when he says :

"Today we have goat-cheese terrine with arugula juice, sauteed cod with capers and baby vegetables, shrimp cooked in spiced carrot juice, roast free-range chicken with ginger and chickpea fries, and duck breast in truffle juice, "

act like you're completely involved, and say :

"The cod, What is the cod sauteed in?"

he'll say :

"A blend of canola and tomato oils."

You're in no hurry here, so you replied :

"Ahhhhh, yes! [ pointing thoughtfully at the waiter]
I'll have the grilled beef hamburger please. "

But like any typical fancy restaurant, grilled beef hamburger usually translated as " What on earth?". And when that happens, it's time to get theoretical.

So you look him in the eye and say :

I'll have the succulent , fresh ground , government inspected , all beef, six ounce patty on your own award winning sesame seed bun, topped with a generous slice of the finest Grade A cheddar cheese made from only premium milk, having originally been extracted from a big, fat, smelly, champion blue ribbon cow with a brain disease".

Continue that style with other food items like say...water!

instead of just "water", you say :

"cylindrical, machine blown, clear drinking vessel filled with nature's own colorless, odorless, extra wet, liquid water."

Oh Oh!

And if he comes over bearing pepper mills, keep the waiter going on the pepper mill for a long time. And i mean disturbingly long time. Like say, for about 15 mins. Then, when your food and silverware are completely covered with pepper, say:

" Okay! Stop! That's Perfect!"

Then, a few minuets later, call him back and tell him :

"This food has way too much pepper on it!"

Oh, and one more thing. Notice how each table has this card where you fill it up with compliments or complaints?

Well, fill it up! It's very important to the owner.

"Everything was wonderful, except the waiter had some vomit on his shoes and a tiny snot on the tip of his nose. It was small, but it was definitely a snot."

So, the next time you go to a fancy restaurant who've never heard of a hamburger and what nots,

Have Fun. Be Difficult. They Get Paid Anyway. So No Worries


(: